Set backs

Sometimes
unbeknownst to the reason why
we go back
and repeat behavior
that did not work in the past.

In a way
that is the Universe showing us
that if for one moment
we wanted to return to our old ways
we need not.

The Universe always has our back
wisdom and clarity
are always there
for us to find them
for us to remember
who we are
and how far we’ve come.

If you find yourself
slipping back
even for one single instance
to old, worn out,
useless ways,
remember that
always
there will be a sign
to remind you
that you have overcome them.

That sign
could simply be
your own thoughts
recognizing
that the action
was unnecessary
no need for regret
no need for self negative chatter
enjoy the ride
and let it go.

For every small message
we move forward.

May you always hear and see the messages without judging yourself.

Namasté,
Shobhana

Blank slate

The time has come
merely by nature
not by demand
to restart with a blank slate.

The Universe is calling me
for a full-blown change
get out of my comfort zone
it whispers
you can do this
just give it a try.

As I face inevitable changes
I also must face myself
and my willingness to stay
in an uncomfortable comfort zone
perhaps, I don’t believe in my talents
no matter what I say
perhaps, I just let the chatter in my mind
take over and distract me from what is.

Nevertheless, situations come to light
that highlight what I need to work on
they highlight what I have been projecting
and must change.
As uncomfortable as these situations have been
I am grateful for them,
without them
I would not have been able to recognize
what I needed to change in myself.
I would have stayed stuck
believing that all was fine
that I had grown and overcome
and that things would magically become better
without me changing the only thing I could change…
my thoughts and beliefs about myself.

Now, with a fresh, blank slate
I start anew
not sure which way
or in which form
but certainly
the way to a healthier
fully autonomous life
of pure abundance
IN EVERY FORM
Yes, in every form!
In the past
I have been able to manifest hundreds of things
but most of them in the form of barter,
NOW,
I allow myself to manifest money, cash, all currencies
limitless amounts
because finally
I understand that money is energy
pure and simple
and I
just like all beings in the Universe
deserve unlimited abundance in ALL forms.

Choosing to value myself and my talents
is one way
having to put it in writing
so I can see my worth and communicate it to others.

Choosing to place boundaries
with people that are not healthy for me
and letting them know that I will no longer
have contact with them
was a big step
instead of being passive-aggressive
and ignoring them or blocking them on my phone,
I called them and told them that I was no longer going
to have contact with them.
While I was in this process,
a great friend and beautiful soul,
made me aware that not confronting
the person directly
even if on the phone
was not true liberation.
I needed to take my power
and voice what I wanted.
And so, I did.

For now
I choose to live very present
and to listen, truly listen
to my instincts
to my silent self
to hear what it tells me
and where it guides me.

May you find the guidance that you need at every turn, your inner guidance, and may you allow yourself to listen to it, even if it takes some practice.

Namasté,
Shobhana

Restless heart

From time to time
my heart just becomes restless.

Feeling funky
unsure
sad
aimless.

It feels
like sailing without a destination
bobbing in the water
letting the changing wind
take it here and there
ending up
nowhere.

The trick now
is to not take it too seriously.

Let it have it’s
tiny restless moment
knowing that it is simply
a passing wave.

During those times
I move my focus to things
that make me feel
at peace
that are joyous
even though
they may not be
super productive.

Actually,
planting tiny seeds
and a little bit
of hands in the dirt
helped tremendously.

So, off I go
heart funky
letting it be
acknowledging it
thanking it
and allowing it
to just be.

Until
whatever the funk
has ran it’s course
and
peace returns.

May you return to peace in your heart with a smile on your face.

Namasté,
Shobhana

It’s time to return to silence

When the mind runs non-stop
it is time to return to silence.

Have you ever had times
when your mind
just won’t stop thinking?

When the thoughts
invade you the second
you wake up?

Well,
recently
that was my mind.

Chatty
noise
loud
non-stop
not for one second!

It had been absolutely exhausting.

I wanted to go back to sleep
to quiet the mind
yet I found
that my dreams
where just as noisy
and
extremely vivid.

No rest for the wicked
as the saying goes.

A persistent dull headache
and my heart racing
I noticed.
And
by allowing one second of silence
my gut instinct kicked in.

Perhaps
I should stop drinking coffee
for a few days
and
hold off on the lactose…

And just like that
silence started to seep back in.

The mini detox has succeeded
no more headaches
no more heart racing
and
a lot more silence.

I must admit that it has taken
a great deal of effort
this time
and
my mind keeps looking for things
to get busy with
but
every second of silence counts
and the more I stay within the silence
the easier it becomes.

May you find silence every time you needed it,
and even when you think you don’t.

Namasté,
Shobhana

And now, what is next?

Often, I ask myself existential questions.

What is my purpose here?

What am I meant to do?

What is my role in the healing of the Universe?

Well, that time seems to have returned.

For 15 years I focused on being a hands on mom
a focus I absolutely loved and embraced.
All the while I continued with photo projects,
exhibits, expeditions and writing.
All the while bringing my son along
to just about everything I did.

Now,
he has flown the nest for 3 months
and I realize that it is just the beginning
of him flying.

I encouraged him to be independent and autonomous,
adventurous and confident
and to love exploring and traveling.

Now is the time
that all my encouragement
is being played out.

And it’s also the time
that I need to
re-focus
my life.

For now, it’s only 3 months
but he has grown into a fabulous being
and his desire to explore the world
has just begun.

Letting go
and feeling the nest empty
shines a light on
-What next?

In 2 months
I’ll enjoy his company again
but the light continues to shine
in the existential question
-What next?

May that light shine bright
to find the answer
and keep smiling
in a new phase.

Namasté,
Shobhana

Too many feelings

July came and went.

I could not manage to put my thoughts and feelings down.

Too many feelings,
too many emotions.

After taking some time
and grounding myself in the present
I can look back
and accept
that my emotionality
was intense.

Supporting my 15 year old to fly off the nest
was so beautiful
and
at the same time
I knew I was going to miss him
thus
many emotions were circling around.

For many years
I was full hands on mom.

Even though I have always had my work
my photo exhibits
and expeditions
my writing,
he has been my main focus.

Now, with 3 whole months to myself
I am hypothetically walking in circles.

It is time to renew myself
gain new perspective
in this new motherhood role
and learn to navigate
the letting go waters.

Here is to allowing feelings to be
and to finding new purposes.

Namasté,
Shobhana

When discomforts pops in and out

With misty eyes
sunny surroundings
love and gentleness
detachment and surrender.

Discomfort pops in and out
as the days go by
in anticipation
of letting my baby bird
fly off the nest.

To feel him grow
and spread his wings
with certainty and strength
not for one second
to I dream
of holding him back
yet
my heart aches
in anticipation
of his departure.

Overjoyed to see him grow
to feel him strong and confident
yet
my mama bird’s heart
tightens and squeezes
with joy and discomfort.

Will I feel
the void
of his temporary absence
or
will I bask in the wonderful energy
woven between us?

I feel the latter,
yet
my human self
anticipates
and
forgets
to live in the present.

May you always allow kindness and gentleness to reach your heart when you forget and slip out of the present.

Namasté,
Shobhana

Releasing FEAR

Since a few days ago
I am feeling
overwhelmed and rushed.

The idea of going to visit my dad in a hurry
was planted on my mind based on fear
this idea has had me making plans
rushing in my heart
struggling to
make things happen.

At the same time
my son’s school
is working on a student exchange program
to go from our home
to another continent
for him to go for 3 months.

At first I loved the idea
a cultural exchange,
I have always championed ideas
about cultural immersions.
Travel abroad,
my favorite!
Everyone should travel and explore,
my motto.
I drove by myself
from the USA to Costa Rica
many years ago
and consider it an amazing experience.

Then,
all these thoughts
flooded my mind.
I will not stay here
hanging out
I must travel while he is away
I must be in Europe
I must visit ALL my friends in Europe
I must make shit tons of money
to make this happen
and
on and on
my mind went off
like a horse galloping
to reach home.

But HOME
home
is where I need to be
HOME
is where I need to settle my heart.

The idea of going to visit my family
and
live someone else’s everyday life
for 4 to 6 weeks
without funding to move about independently
has created a lot of inner turmoil.

The idea of rushing from place to place
without a particular purpose
and leaving our house unfinished
from the basic repairs that it has been asking for
for years
and leave it ‘hanging’
one more time
seems
rather unsettling.

It feels
as if I stopped writing in the middle of a chapter
to start a new one
based
on the previous unfinished one,
one that is incomplete.

Often,
I have felt that
unfinished business
no matter what it is
is like carrying old luggage around.
It weights heavily
yet
it fills no current purpose
and
slows down every thought,
every move
even emotions.

The image of Robert De Niro
in the movie
THE MISSION
where he carries his old military armor
up a steep mountain
and when he is about to reach the top
he struggles, falls,
and his huge bag of armor
falls to the bottom of the mountain,
where he returns back down
and starts the climb
all over again.

A journey unfinished
thus
he is unable to move on.

This is how I am feeling right now…

For some time now
I’ve been called
as a thought in my heart
and a thought in the elusive mind
and in dreams
to get a beautiful
piece of land
to build a lovely cottage
and create
a gorgeous food forest.

This thought keeps popping up
as my days go by.
Every time I see land,
I feel this urge to plant something there
for us, for nature, for humanity
even though
I have never been a ‘planter’.

I feel the urge to create
Urban Food Forests
to heal the entire planet.

I have a small house with a small yard
that is open to the sacredness
of abundance
to the possibility of unlimited
everything
YET
I am thinking of going away
yet again
and
leave it hanging
instead of thanking it
for all that has provide for us
in the last 2 decades.

Instead of really committing
to creating this
Urban Food Forest Revolution
in my own home
in my own piece of land
I’m looking outside
for answers
I’m looking far away
and that
is causing me
tremendous
inner stress.

So…
-What next?

It’s time to make decisions
and own them
without FEAR
without GUILT
without ANXIETY
without LACK in my mind
and
with MASSIVE ABUNDANCE in my heart.

It’s time to return to be ME.

Namasté,
Shobhana

Rushing/ settling

Today
I woke up
with a feeling
of having to be in a rush.

As I moved along waking up
this feeling of rushing
kept hounding me
as a dog circling for attention.

I made coffee
sat and enjoyed the breeze and the view
yet
the rush feeling inside persisted.

So,
I decided to make crêpes
this would certainly occupy my mind
and distract it long enough to forget
some of that feeling.

Well,
it did
I was able to enjoy yummy crêpes
and
have my mind settle down.

But,
as a bit of time went by
I realized that the uncomfortable feeling
was coming back.

I sat with it
letting it reveal itself to me.

What did it mean?
What was it’s purpose?
What was it’s message?

My fear of money
having money
spending it
and
not having it again.

FEAR

PURE FEAR

UNCERTAINTY

Ultimately,
lack of trust in what is
and
what will be.

My mind
trying to control
outcomes
situations
circumstances
plans.

LIFE
reminded me
to be here
to be PRESENT
to feel the joy
of
simply BEING.

At this revelation
late in the day
tears clouded my eyes
and
a release of the fear of the unknown
was revealed
and
as tears traveled down in trickles
the fear was released
and
gratitude
was welcomed with a smile.

May you always allow yourself to sit with those uncomfortable feelings long enough, for them to reveal their message.

Namasté,
Shobhana

Sitting with discomfort

Finding myself at a point of discomfort.

Circumstances
Life

Being an action person
sitting still and doing nothing
is not my thing.

Yet,
sitting with discomfort
allows me
to absorb
observe
not judge
and
to let go.

Avoiding what is
when that what is
is uncomfortable
does not bring us
to peace,
it only
silences
what should be
listened to.

Choosing to sit with discomfort
has allowed me to
feel and release
to be in the present
to appreciate the experience
and that something
that I must explore.

Comfortable and peaceful
or
discomfort and discover.

Ultimately to reach
Pure Inner Peace.

May you always find the silence and courage to sit and listen when you find yourself in a moment of discomfort.

Namasté,
Shobhana